Monday, January 5, 2009

Mother's Day Out

I took Brody to MDO for the first time this morning. I have so many emotions about it. I'm sad, nervous, anxious, but at the same time I know this is so good for both of us.

It's the first time I have left him. Well, really left him. He has occasionally stayed with grandparents or Jill, but only for a few hours. It's not about it being with someone that isn't family. It's just about leaving him and spending the day without him. Actually, it's walking out the door and knowing that today someone else will do my job. Someone else will hold him. Someone else will feed him. Someone else will play with him. Someone else will rock him and lay him down for a nap.

I got all my crying out yesterday afternoon. I looked like someone had beat me up by the time last night rolled around. This morning I woke up and realized I needed to just put my big girl pants on and take him. We had a very easy morning getting ready. I was dressed and even had make-up on when I dropped him off, which is an accomplishment these days. He looked really cute in his sweet little clothes. I stressed over what to put him in, because you know all the other infants really care what he is wearing. I organized the diaper bag to the point that is was almost ridiculous and I never think you can be too organized, but I pushed it today. I put way too many diapers in there, as if he is going to need that many. I made sure all of his embroidered things were with him, such as a blanket, burp rag,etc. I sent 3 pacifiers. One is on a clip. You know he can't be without the paci.

When I carried him in he was asleep. He was the youngest one there today, but will soon have some little friends there his age and younger. He looked so sweet when I left. He was just sleeping in the sweet teacher's arms. I wanted to stay outside and stare in the window all day, but I thought they may call the police and that would be embarrassing. I tried not to give too many instructions when I left. I told them the times he would need to eat and that was about it. I didn't cry. It's just felt weird to let go a little this morning. It felt weird to trust someone else to take care of him. It wouldn't have matter to me if it had been my mom in there watching him. It still would have been so hard to leave.

I have had lots of errands to run today and things to do to keep me busy. I've only cried once, which is pretty good I think. I know it will soon be easy to take him. I'm know that I will even look forward to those days. Just today was hard. No one can really prepare you for the way it feels to have to let go a little. Pre-school will make me sad. Kindergarten will be even harder. By the time he goes to college I will be medicated I'm sure! Haha!

I'm looking forward to 2:00!!


Kelly said...

I hope today goes okay and you get everything done and Brody has a great time! I bet his little eyes will just light up to see you!!!!

Amanda said...

I'm proud of you! :-) That would be so hard. I am dreading the day I have to put a baby in day care. I know it will break my heart!
I know he will have a great time and love every minute of playing with the other babies!

Kelly said...

I am proud of you. CJ was three and a half before he ever spent a night away from us. (I was silly huh?)
Now every wednesday he goes off with my sister for a few hours. And I enjoy my ME time.
We all it need it at some point. And those who say it makes you a better Mom are telling the truth.

Laura Ann said...

Oh, I remember the day I had to leave Emma and come back to work. She was 6 months old and it was HORRIBLE, but it sounds like you did a great job. I am sure I will be the same way with my sweet Gavin. It does get easier, trust me.

I just got through telling my husband that I have to start praying that I can really enjoy Gavin's Birth because I will be so worried about Emma. She has NEVER stayed away from us or home, except while we are working. I am so worried about how she will be to have to spend the night away from her MOMMY!

The Allens said...

You did so well! Thank you for sharing that!

Kristi said...

You made me cry just thinking about it. I am sure today was hard, and I bet tomorrow will be hard too. Maybe even this whole week but I am sure it will get easier. I don't know because my girls are 7 months and the longest I have left them is with my husband, their daddy, for about 5 hours. I can't imagine all day, everyday. I will be praying for you. It will be good for both of you, because I do wish for more ME time sometimes. Good Luck!

Shannon said...

Awwww. It sounds like you did great though! :)

Jenna said...

Oh I can't even think about the moment when I will leave Brayden! But it sounds like you did really, really well!

Mandi said...

You did great! I was a mess the first time I left D in child care at the gym (that's when I was still a member). It was quite an embarassing display considering I was only leaving him for an hour!!!

The Masseys said...

Hi Jennifer. I found your blog through Kelly's Korner, I hope you don't mind my commenting on it.

Your little guy was born almost a year after mine, and I just love reading your blog and seeing your updates on sweet Brody.

I hope MDO went well today, I bet that was tough for you but I hope you had a good productive day. How many days a week will he be there?

Becky said...

Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I am new to blogging and you were my first comment! I have read Kelly's blog for many months now, she always makes me laugh!

Your description of dressing your baby boy this morning made me giggle. I always think to myself, "she has to have her best smocked dress on to go to so and so's!". They are the best, are'nt they?! Thanks again for visiting. And Brody is precious! I know you have heard it a million times, but it just gets better and better everyday being a mama. I missed the newborn stage for a while. But now, she is running wide open and is so much fun!

Jessica said...

Ughhh... this was so hard for me to read. I go back to work when Harbor is close to 4 months and I KNOW it will be tough. I'm so glad you both made it!! You go girl! : )